By Abdifatah Sheikh Ibrahim
Family is weave that is inextricably interlaced with love, care and compassion. It is flower that breath-takingly blooms with mutual understanding and conspicuously flourishes with commitment and sincerity. It gets nurtured in the proximity of respect and being selfless to each other and wilts in the vicinity honeycombed with menacing elements like hate, deceit, ignoring, neglect and mistrust.
Generally, in the light of Somali society, Somali family is mainly stripped of the romantically enticing properties any household should blossom under. Most of the men see themselves entitled to be flabbergastingly patriarchal and rule the roost in their own way. They fail to fight the pervasive voracious urge of their ego-centric attitudes and narrow-mindedly uplifted superiority. Showing caring and taking care of their spouses’ feeling are something their world is often not conducive to. So where do we get delusional ideas from?? What is that mirrors women as inferior and men as magically superior. The answer is Somali Culture!
Lets get things straight, Somali culture, like any other, is not a scripture that should be deemed flawless and surely has both pros and cons. As much as it is intellectually strong and rampant culture, It is sadly riven with twisted beliefs and deformed ideas that belittle the role of woman in both her own life and the community which subsequently suck the sweetness and the flavor from her married life. It indirectly gives the man the authority to unilaterally issue orders without the slightest consultation and discussion over the matter concerned. Helping her in household chores and giving her hand in the kitchen is viewed by the culture as unworthy of his manhood, integrity and credibility and the infamous phrases like,” she has got him under spell” and ” he is QORQODE” are readily hanging in thread.
Moreover, words like I love you sweeety, honey ( some might frown at this now) etc. is swiftly left at the threshold of marital status and proves something to shy away from. What is strangely mind-blowing is the love songs, poems and prose which are studded in Somali culture and sung in virtually every and each wedding with their soul-ticking rhymes and rhythms never create a corridor beyond married life but are only reminisced when Khat is chewed and the chores are performed. Going out for dinner or to the market TOGETHER is not generally in the familial lexicon and may be viewed shameful by the man because the phrases ,” Dadka ayaa nala yaabi, islaanta maxaa na daba dhigey” or ,” suuqa ma ciyaal baa nahay?” are rife with his mentality. Is it illegal to verbalize the lovely and enchanting words you probably had told her and routinely practiced before you tied the knot? Would it kill you to say them at least twice a day and surprise her with gifts when convenient, and take her out for dinner ? Some cultural fanatics might claim that is totally incompatible with Somali Culture. Interesting!
The potential causes that continue to aggravate it, from my humble point of view, could be chiefly categorized into two:
One: lack of self-enhancing education in every aspect and, in emphasis, academic institutions that give seminars and courses relating how to build a family. Tackling this would more probably put leash on the tyranny-like measures exercised by the husband and absence of thought-sharing among spouses, when appropriate, in decision making and whatever that is related to family matters. This, I believe, would save us the widespread domestic violence that are prevalent in most of our homes particularly the improper raising of the children and ultimately provide the spouses the much needed romantically rosy environment which would breathe love and compassion into each other’s lives.
Two: There is this failure in integrating culture with religion which would leave out the negative bits and pieces of the culture when pragmatically filtered through religion and further promote positivity in the spouses’ lives. And by this I mean there are countless culturally familial transgressions that are not subjected to religious jurisdiction but rather pushed under the carpet under pretext of, ” you are woman and you should take care of your family.”
I maintain these factors and probably many more I have not mentioned not only thwart the mutual understanding, love and romance but also plunge the family into a life full of endless riddle after riddle which showcases their daily lives as colourless and romantically uneventful. The emotional sphere should be thoroughly considered as It is, for myriad ways, what adds flavors and spices to the married life and offers the guarantee, for the joy and happiness to sprout while simultaneously keeping the spouses under the wings of unconditional love and passion for one another.
Lastly, I am not expert in romance so I would say I am one nor am I too harsh on my culture so one would call me a repellant that has appreciable lenience towards the so called feminism, but rather I am merely for the cause of breaking shackles of cultural horrors and smashing the traditional bugaboos that have clouded our judgments, feelings and visions and landed us in this culturally advertised, nightmarish and narcissist egos portrayed by men when it comes to family life.
Abdifatah Sheikh Ibrahim
Email:[email protected]
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